he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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