Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
