just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
