I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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