I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
