Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
