Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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