My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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