whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
