The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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