i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
