More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
