i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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