Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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