It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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