hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
