I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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