dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
