your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
honey bunches of taint.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
