making cat noises will not fix the situation.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
