My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
