is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
