Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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