I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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