I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I FOUND THE LEGS
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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