if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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