god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
