you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
