guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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