Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just forgot I was standing up.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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