Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
