hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
