Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
