people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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