After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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