You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
