complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
