The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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