I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He shit in the fireplace
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