omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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