shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
this will be a night to untag.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
