Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
