I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
