hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
