i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
