I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
