dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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