did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
