i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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