i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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