so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
