Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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