Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
