I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
