She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
