Banned from zoo.
Again?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
