Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
