Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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